My Story Part 3: The Reckoning
The curtain has been pulled back. You can’t unsee it. A lifetime of confusion explained and understood. Validation? Check. Explanation? Check, check. So, what do we do now with all this newfound understanding? Well…for me? I decided to clean f*ing house. I could no longer ignore the lack of support I received in my intimate relationship. In fact, I started to look at ALL my relationships in a whole new light. The veil had been lifted and…
I. Was. Done.
I was done tolerating bad behavior in order to be in connection with others. I finally understood that it wasn’t real connection and knowing that, it just wasn’t worth it anymore. I saw how accepting such behavior—allowing people to treat me this way—only reinforced my belief that I was unworthy of all the things—love, belonging, acceptance, etc. Even now, two years into what I will now refer to as “The Reckoning,” previously unconscious patterns of accepting mistreatment and neglect continue to surface into my awareness. It’s all just bubbling up. And the more I recognize and acknowledge what’s happening, the more I’m experiencing…
Validation that all my emotional suffering has been the result of real, lived experiences.
True understanding of the lack of emotional support I have felt throughout my life and its impact.
Self-compassion for how these lived experiences and deficits have impaired my ability to show up in my own life in a healthy way.
Freedom to set boundaries, say “no,” and walk away in the interest of not just self-preservation but self-liberation.
This is something many adult children of narcissistic parents come to realize when they finally understand how deeply their upbringing has shaped their self-worth and relationships.
Guilt
Something else happened, too. It used to be that when I made efforts to stand up for myself or say no, I would either give in to feelings of guilt and acquiesce or stand my ground but proceed to put myself through a shower of guilt/shame after the fact. The Reckoning has led to feeling less guilt, and whatever guilt remains is more easily shaken off when challenged with the question, “Guilt, are you truly justified?” If guilt happens as a result of setting healthy boundaries, you can be sure it falls into the category of unjustified. Oh, and here’s another thing…guilt does not determine your worth. You are an inherently worthy person, period. You might feel the urge to argue with me on that point. But keep this in mind… if you did, you would be trying to prove to me that you are not worthy. And how does arguing that point sit with you?
A New Allergy
Another result of eating from Lindsay Gibson’s tree of knowledge, is the new standard you are likely to set for how others treat you. Once you let go of or set boundaries with those who act in emotionally immature ways, you will develop a radar for identifying similar traits in new people you encounter. And once your radar goes off, you will have a visceral reaction to those who fall into that category. You will be so turned off, you may even physically shudder or flinch, or feel like you are somehow allergic to that person or their behavior. This is a nice, little added gift of self-protection that comes along with recovery. You will more easily recognize self-esteem-sucking vampires and banish them before they have a chance to sink their teeth in. I hear this often from others who have been raised by parents who are narcissists—it’s like developing a built-in defense system that protects you from falling into old, harmful patterns.
Loneliness
While unburdening yourself of unhealthy relationships—whether going no-contact or simply setting firm boundaries—can lead to a profound sense of relief, it can also leave you feeling pretty lonely, especially if most of the people in your world up to now fit the emotionally immature profile. And in those times of loneliness, it can be easy for old feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem to creep in. It’s common to experience a void and feelings of grief and loss. When you let go of the emotionally immature people in your life, you’re also letting go of the fantasy of what you hoped they could have been, their “potential.” And that’s not an easy pill to swallow. It’s okay to grieve that loss. In fact, it’s a necessary part of healing. Having support during this time is essential. Connecting with a therapist for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents can provide guidance through this difficult transition.
I’m still navigating that place of isolation. I get breaks every now and again and it requires a lot of effort on my part to reach out to others and to engage in activities with friends who maybe aren’t my “Ride or Die” folks but whose company I enjoy. I think part of challenging the isolation and addressing our need for community is accepting and appreciating relationships for what they are, as long as they aren’t unhealthy. You might have the people you hike with, others you read with, and still others you travel with. And then there’s the one or two who will help you “bury the body.” Some relationships will be more intimate than others. And that’s okay.
A New Life
I’m still working on building a new community of like-minded and like-hearted, emotionally healthy connections. I can bemoan all the challenges that come with that but I think that would put too much “excuse energy” out there, which is a real motivation-killer. Instead, I’ll focus on staying open and curious, and saying “yes,” to things I know will feed my soul. And if I run across anything incredibly profound on my journey, maybe I’ll write a part 4. Until then, I’ll borrow words from a loving-kindness meditation:
May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.
May you be safe.
May you awaken to the light of your true nature.
May you be free.
Healing from the pain of being raised by a narcissistic parent isn’t easy, but it’s possible. You deserve to live freely and fully.
Break Free from Old Patterns with a Therapist for Adult Children of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Parents in North Carolina & South Carolina
If you’re starting to recognize how being raised by a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent has shaped your self-worth, boundaries, and relationships, you don’t have to navigate this alone. I’m Stephanie St. Clair, a therapist specializing in online therapy for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents in North Carolina and South Carolina. Together, we’ll uncover how past family dynamics have influenced your life and work to break the patterns that no longer serve you. Let’s build a life where you feel confident, grounded, and free to be your most authentic self.
Learn More About Me and My Services
You deserve to feel empowered and supported—let’s take the first step toward healing.
Other Therapy Services Offered at St. Clair Psychotherapy
Beyond providing therapy for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents in North Carolina and South Carolina, I offer compassionate and inclusive support for LGBTQIA+ individuals and people living in larger bodies. My practice is built on empathy, respect, and creating a safe space where you can explore your identity, overcome societal pressures, and feel truly seen. Whether you're seeking therapy for LGBTQIA+ folx or support for navigating life in a larger body, I offer personalized care that honors your unique experiences and supports your healing journey. Together, we can work toward greater self-acceptance, empowerment, and emotional well-being.
About Stephanie St. Clair, MA LPC
Stephanie St. Clair, a compassionate therapist for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents in North Carolina, deeply understands the emotional struggles that come with being raised by emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. Her own journey of self-discovery and healing fuels her dedication to helping others break free from harmful family dynamics. Stephanie’s career began as a technical writer in Washington, D.C., but her passion for making a real impact led her to serve as an education volunteer in the U.S. Peace Corps. In 2012, she transitioned into the mental health field, gaining extensive experience supporting children, families, and adults in various settings, including schools, community mental health centers, substance abuse programs, and bariatric surgery support.
Now in private practice, Stephanie focuses on guiding adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents toward healing and personal growth. With advanced training from Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, she helps clients recognize how their upbringing has shaped their self-esteem, relationships, and emotional well-being. Stephanie provides a safe, supportive space for clients to set healthy boundaries, overcome self-doubt, and build lives grounded in emotional freedom. Whether you're seeking help to navigate the pain of having a narcissistic parent in North Carolina or need guidance from a therapist for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents in North Carolina, Stephanie offers compassionate, empowering support to help you reclaim your worth and create lasting change.