My Story - Part 1
If asked to recall my earliest suffering in my relationship with my mother, two things from my adolescence come to mind. The first was a recurring pattern: when my father came home from work, I happily greeted him when he walked in the door, and he did the same. In contrast, when I saw my mother's car pull into the driveway, I would immediately get up from the couch, go to my room, and shut the door before she walked in. I would hear her sighs and cupboard slams as she made dinner.
I'd roll my eyes when she inevitably started to yell at someone—either my dad, me, or just the ether. The second thing that comes to mind is a memory from the week after my sixteenth birthday. One of the gifts my mother gave me was a journal. After an interaction with her, I came into my room, dropped on my bed, and screamed into my pillow. I remember feeling so angry, powerless, and trapped. I picked up the journal and, as hot tears streamed down my face, I began writing about how much I hated her.
I'm part of the latch-key generation, known for its hyper-independence. The motivation to get my driver’s license at 16 and move away to college at 18 was more about escaping my overbearing mother than about the typical rites of passage in adolescence. I was chomping at the bit, and when my parents brought me to college, I remember the immense relief I felt when we had all said our final goodbyes and she was out the door.
The Unburdening Was Palpable
When I would come home for college breaks, I was taken aback by the amount of arguing, criticizing, blaming, and overall negative interactions between my parents. I would jokingly say in the car, “Don’t make me turn this car around!” and they would pause for a moment of comic relief. At this point, my older brother had been gone for three years, and I was away at college, so my father was now bearing the brunt of her scorn. Being away from it for the first time in my life gave me some perspective on how dysfunctional and negative the dynamic really was. Throughout college, I stayed busy, and when I was back home—between work and time with friends—I managed to distance myself from my mother as much as possible.
In the meantime, I entered a relationship with someone I would later identify as having narcissistic traits. Unconsciously, the relationship was inevitable and became a significant source of suffering throughout my early adult life. It was “textbook,” as they say: inconsistent attention leading me to lean in, only for him to pull away. And just when I’d reached my wit’s end, he’d make a small gesture—not even a grand one—and I would forgive him, continuing to torture myself with the relationship.
Aside From Hurt, the Dominant Feeling I Remember Experiencing Was Confusion. And Boy, Was That Familiar.
Although we were on and off for a few years, I continued to “sweat” that relationship much longer than I care to admit. Reflecting on my single life in my twenties and thirties, I can see now how my relationship with my parents—especially my mother—laid the framework for insecure attachment in intimate relationships. My practically non-existent self-esteem led me to desperately seek approval or validation anywhere I could get it, whether it was through physical attraction from men or positive feedback from supervisors at work.
At age 27, single and finding myself a little lost, I joined the Peace Corps and found new ways to discount myself. Through trainings on cultural competence, I took lessons on cultural sensitivity too far and allowed my host mother—much like my own mother—to walk all over me, swallowing my hurt and upset in order to not rock the boat. I even began to experience the oh-so-familiar dread when I would return to my host family’s home after a weekend away. As I turned the key to the front door, I wondered what I’d be walking into, what mood she would be in.
Eventually, when I moved out of my host family’s home and was honest with my supervisor about everything that happened, I felt validated. My supervisor—a citizen of the country in which I was serving—confirmed that what was happening was not about sensitivity to another culture and its people, but rather manipulation. My host mother used me to try to boost her standing in the community… and her own ego.
Finding Healing and Understanding
The specifics may vary but narcissistic parents—whether in North Carolina or Central Asia—often sacrifice their child’s emotional well-being for their own personal gain, resulting in lifelong emotional wounds for the child. As I’ve used Lindsay Gibson’s concept of emotional immaturity in my own emotional work, memories of my host mother’s behavior—and my biological mother’s behavior—have surfaced.
Through this process, I’ve gained understanding, let go of unjustified guilt, and healing from the pain those experiences caused. If this resonates with you, therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents in Raleigh, NC, can help you do the same. Whether you’re struggling with the lingering impact of a narcissistic parent in North Carolina or looking for support from a therapist for adult children of NPD parents in North Carolina, healing is possible.
Read on for Part 2…
This is just the beginning of my journey toward understanding and healing from the impact of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents. Here in Part 2, I’ll share more about how these experiences shaped my adult relationships and the steps I’ve taken to break free from old patterns. Together, we’ll explore how validation, self-awareness, and learning about therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents, have played a key role in my path to growth. Stay tuned!
Break Free from the Past with Therapy for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in Raleigh & Throughout North Carolina
Growing up with an emotionally immature or narcissistic parent can leave lasting scars, but it doesn’t have to define your future. If you’re ready to explore how those early family dynamics have shaped your relationships, self-esteem, and emotional well-being, I’m here to help. I’m Stephanie St. Clair, a therapist specializing in online therapy for adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents in Raleigh and throughout North Carolina & South Carolina. Together, we’ll uncover the patterns that no longer serve you, challenge the beliefs that hold you back, and help you create healthier ways of relating to yourself and others. Let’s work together to help you feel grounded, empowered, and authentically you.
Learn More About Me and My Services
It’s time to reclaim your life and move forward with confidence and clarity.
Additional Therapy Services at St. Clair Psychotherapy
Beyond therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents, I provide dedicated support for LGBTQIA+ individuals and people living in larger bodies. My approach prioritizes empathy, inclusivity, and respect, ensuring a safe and affirming environment where you can explore your identity, address societal pressures, and feel genuinely understood. My other services include Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Folx and Therapy for People Living in Larger Bodies. I recognize that every person’s story is unique, and I am committed to offering personalized care that validates your experiences and supports your growth.
About Stephanie St. Clair, MA LPC
Stephanie’s journey to becoming a licensed professional counselor (LPC) has been anything but linear. Starting as a technical writer in Washington, D.C., she went on to serve as an education volunteer in the U.S. Peace Corps before entering the mental health field in 2012. Since then, she’s worked with children, families, and adults in diverse settings, including schools, in-home services, community mental health and substance abuse centers, and a bariatric surgery center. Today, Stephanie’s private practice focuses on helping individuals heal from deep emotional wounds.
She’s passionate about working with members of the LGBTQIA+ community, individuals living in larger bodies, and especially adult children of emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. With advanced training from Lindsay Gibson, psychologist and best-selling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Stephanie helps clients uncover the impact of chronic emotional abuse and guides them toward self-love, peace, and contentment. Whether you’re struggling with the effects of an emotionally immature parent or seeking support to heal from a narcissistic parent in North Carolina, Stephanie provides a compassionate and empowering approach to help you reclaim your life.
