Dealing With a “Difficult” Parent
“Difficult” is a nice, generic adjective. It can sum up an infinite number of emotionally draining, physically exhausting, infuriating, and upsetting behaviors, all in a neat, 9-letter word. Difficult.
It can be used to describe the behaviors that are affecting your emotional well-being. It can also be used to describe the type of feelings you experience as a result of those behaviors. In short, difficult behaviors trigger difficult feelings.
When you end a phone call with your mother, do you ever lean back in your chair and let out a huge, long, grumbly sigh? Maybe you feel a tightness in your chest… or your fingers slowly gravitate to the roots of your hair, and you give just a little tug in the hopes of releasing some of the tension. The phone conversation lingers in your mind, and you ask yourself questions that begin with, “How on Earth…” or “What in the world makes her think…” or your thoughts end with “… she must be out of her damn mind.”
Or maybe the thoughts turn inward, and you start to question your own reality. “Am I the one who’s crazy?” “What am I missing here?” “Were we even both in the same conversation?” Maybe you’ve been dealing with this tense relationship for so long that it doesn’t take much… maybe just a look or a sigh from her can send you into a spiral of rage, helplessness, and despair. Does any of this ring a bell? If so, read on…
Is It Just Me?
What if I were to tell you that everything you have ever felt in relation to that difficult parent… the angst, the anxiety, the frustration, the overwhelm—even the mixed emotions of love, anger, relief, and stress—is COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY JUSTIFIED? …that what you experienced was REAL and you had every right to feel the way you did and do?
…and what was UNJUSTIFIED was the guilt and shame IMPOSED on you by others?
This blog is about VALIDATION. Validation that adult children of emotionally immature parents, or “difficult” parents, often do not experience but desperately seek in myriad ways throughout their lives.
How did we get here?
In infancy, you looked to your caregivers for everything—food, clothing, shelter, comfort. As you developed both physically and mentally, you began to have opinions and express them through increasingly sophisticated ways, initially through emotional outbursts and physical actions and eventually through verbal expression. At a very young age, you started to learn the rules about what was okay and not okay regarding expressing emotions. Not only that, but you also began to understand your roles and responsibilities in your family. You may not recall the exact moment you learned these underlying beliefs, but you certainly know what they are.
Maybe some of these are familiar:
Do not question your parent, no matter how illogical or unreasonable they are being.
Your difficult parent’s emotional well-being is more important than yours and everyone else’s in the family.
Anger towards your difficult parent is not okay.
You are not an individual, but rather an extension of your parent, and everything you are and do reflects on them.
Do everything you can not to upset your difficult parent, regardless of the impact on you.
Your parent never owes you an apology.
You don’t matter. Your needs don’t matter. Your preferences don’t matter, and expressing an opinion or preference is a sign of disrespect to your parent.
The Emotional Toll
Growing up in a family that operates with these types of underlying rules can profoundly impact a child’s sense of identity, self-esteem, independence, and self-trust. It can also lead to high levels of anxiety, as the child—and later, adult child—adopts unhealthy strategies (people-pleasing, perfectionism, workaholism, etc.) in an attempt to gain the acceptance and unconditional love that eluded them in childhood.
Additionally, the lack of self-trust and low self-esteem can impact other relationships outside of your family, especially intimate relationships. Without examples of healthy relationships, adult children of emotionally immature or narcissistic parents in North Carolina may tolerate mistreatment from intimate partners, not realizing that it’s neither normal nor healthy. They may continue their patterns of people-pleasing and taking emotional responsibility for their partner in a bid for love and acceptance.
Finding Hope and Healing
Earlier in this blog, I mentioned validation. Validation is the first step in healing from these types of childhood wounds. If you grew up with an emotionally immature parent, you probably experienced gaslighting so often and for so long that you may do it to yourself now without even realizing it—especially when it comes to feelings toward your parents.
Maybe you tell yourself:
“You have no right to complain. You were never abused.”
“They took you to [insert sport/activity here] class, and you went on family vacations!”
“You should be grateful.”
“Stop being so negative!”
“You had it so much better than they did growing up.”
By recognizing self-criticism and behaviors that discount your experience, and through transforming your relationship with yourself, you can heal old wounds, let go of thoughts and expectations that don’t serve you, figure out who you are independent of others’ opinions, and build a meaningful and joyful life. Therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents in Raleigh & throughout North Carolina, can offer the support you need to move forward on this path. You deserve it.
Find Validation and Healing with Therapy for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in Raleigh & Throughout North Carolina
If navigating your relationship with a difficult or emotionally immature parent has left you feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or questioning your reality, you’re not alone. The scars left by these dynamics are real, but they don’t have to dictate your future. Through therapy, you can find the validation you’ve been seeking and begin to rewrite the narrative you were handed. I’m Stephanie St. Clair, a therapist specializing in online therapy for adult children of emotionally immature and narcissistic parents in Raleigh, NC, and throughout North & South Carolina. Together, we’ll explore how these early experiences have shaped your self-esteem, relationships, and emotional well-being. We’ll challenge old beliefs, uncover patterns that no longer serve you, and create space for healthier ways of connecting—with yourself and others. Let’s work toward building a life where you feel seen, empowered, and free to show up authentically.
Learn More About Me and My Services
You deserve validation, healing, and the tools to move forward with clarity and confidence. Let’s begin.
Other Therapy Services at St. Clair Psychotherapy
In addition to therapy for adult children of emotionally immature parents, I offer focused support for LGBTQIA+ individuals and those living in larger bodies. My practice emphasizes empathy, inclusivity, and respect, creating a safe, affirming space where you can explore your identity, confront societal challenges, and feel truly heard. Other services I provide include Therapy for LGBTQIA+ Folx and Therapy for People Living in Larger Bodies. I understand that every journey is unique, and I am dedicated to delivering personalized care that honors your experiences and fosters meaningful growth.
About Stephanie St. Clair, MA LPC
Stephanie’s journey to becoming a licensed professional counselor (LPC) has been anything but traditional. Starting as a technical writer in Washington, D.C., she later served as an education volunteer in the U.S. Peace Corps before entering the mental health field in 2012. Since then, she has worked with children, families, and adults in schools, in-home services, community mental health and substance abuse centers, and a bariatric surgery center. Now in private practice, Stephanie focuses on helping individuals heal from deep emotional wounds.
She is passionate about working with members of the LGBTQIA+ community, individuals living in larger bodies, and especially adult children of emotionally immature or narcissistic parents. With advanced training from Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Stephanie helps clients understand the effects of chronic emotional abuse and empowers them to build self-love and lasting peace. Whether you’re coping with an emotionally immature parent or seeking support to heal from a narcissistic parent in North Carolina, Stephanie offers a compassionate and empowering approach to help you reclaim your sense of self and create a fulfilling life.