Sibling Rivalry: The Impact of Narcissistic Parents on Sibling Relationships
Narcissistic parenting can deeply affect the dynamics between siblings, often creating long-lasting emotional and psychological consequences. Due to their self-centered nature, narcissistic parents manipulate and control their children, fostering an environment of rivalry, favoritism, and emotional deprivation. What should be a bond built on support and connection is instead riddled with resentment, competition, and sometimes complete estrangement.
If you grew up in a household where a narcissistic parent played favorites, pitted you against your sibling, or used you both to serve their own emotional needs, you’re not alone. The scars from these experiences don’t simply fade with time. Recognizing the patterns and actively working toward healing is essential. Whether through self-reflection, boundary-setting, or narcissistic abuse recovery therapy in North Carolina, taking these steps can help you move forward in a way that prioritizes your well-being.
The Role of the Narcissistic Parent in Sibling Dynamics
Narcissistic parents shape sibling relationships through manipulation and control, often without their children realizing it until much later. Here are some of the key ways these dysfunctional dynamics unfold:
Favoritism and the Golden Child vs. Scapegoat Dynamic
One of the most common ways narcissistic parents create division between siblings is by assigning rigid roles: the golden child and the scapegoat.
The Golden Child: This sibling is idealized, praised, and held up as the “perfect” one. They may receive special treatment, validation, and privileges, but this isn’t because the narcissistic parent genuinely loves them more. Instead, the golden child serves as an extension of the narcissistic parent—reflecting their values, reinforcing their ego, and following their rules. However, this favoritism comes at a cost: golden children often struggle with immense pressure to maintain their parent’s expectations and may develop an internalized fear of failure.
The Scapegoat: The scapegoat, on the other hand, is blamed for anything that goes wrong and subjected to excessive criticism, ridicule, or emotional neglect. This child is often more independent-minded, emotionally sensitive, or resistant to the parent’s control, making them an easy target for projection. Scapegoats frequently carry deep wounds of self-doubt and unworthiness into adulthood, even after breaking contact with their parent.
These roles can shift over time, depending on the parent’s mood, life circumstances, or which child is offering them the most supply. If a golden child starts asserting independence, they may suddenly find themselves in the scapegoat position, while another sibling is pulled into favor.
Triangulation: Turning Siblings Against Each Other
Triangulation is a manipulation tactic where the narcissistic parent controls relationships within the family by keeping siblings in conflict. This often looks like:
Comparing Siblings: “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”
Spreading Lies or Gossip: Telling one sibling that the other said something cruel or negative, creating tension and distrust.
Creating Competition: Offering love, praise, or material rewards only when a child proves their loyalty over the other.
By keeping siblings divided, the narcissistic parent ensures that no one unites against them. This makes it easier to control their children and maintain their authority.
Emotional Neglect and Parentification
In some cases, a narcissistic parent may burden one child with responsibilities far beyond their years, a dynamic known as parentification. This happens when:
An older sibling is forced to care for younger siblings in place of a neglectful parent.
A child is expected to meet the emotional needs of the parent rather than the other way around.
The child is told they are “mature for their age” and praised for taking on adult-like duties, reinforcing the unfair burden placed upon them.
Parentified children often grow up struggling with boundaries, feeling overly responsible for others, and suppressing their own needs. They may also develop resentment toward siblings who didn’t have the same expectations placed on them.
Common Outcomes in Sibling Relationships
The long-term effects of narcissistic parenting on sibling dynamics can manifest in different ways, such as:
1. Estrangement
Many adult siblings find themselves estranged due to the resentment and division sown by their narcissistic parent. When one sibling remains loyal to the parent and continues to reinforce the toxic dynamic, others may find it necessary to step away to protect their mental health.
2. Codependency
For some, shared trauma creates a strong bond between siblings. They may rely on each other for validation and emotional support, sometimes to the point of unhealthy enmeshment. This can make it difficult to develop separate identities or engage in relationships outside of the sibling dynamic.
3. Ongoing Rivalry
Some siblings never fully escape the competition instilled by their parent. Even into adulthood, they may continue vying for parental approval, seeking validation through career achievements, financial success, or personal accomplishments—all while measuring themselves against each other.
4. Continuing the Cycle
Unfortunately, some siblings internalize the narcissistic behavior they were raised with and repeat the same patterns in their own relationships. A golden child who was conditioned to believe they are superior may adopt narcissistic tendencies themselves, treating others—including their siblings—with the same lack of empathy they experienced growing up with emotionally immature parents.
Healing and Overcoming the Damage
Healing from the impact of narcissistic parenting is a deeply personal process, but it is possible. Here are some ways to move forward:
1. Recognizing the Narcissistic Influence
Awareness is the first step in breaking the cycle. Understanding how your sibling relationship was shaped by manipulation and control can help you make sense of past conflicts and reframe your experiences.
2. Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are essential when dealing with emotionally immature parents, and family members who still engage in toxic behaviors. This may mean:
Limiting contact with a narcissistic parent.
Avoiding conversations that lead to unnecessary conflict.
Establishing clear expectations with siblings about what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship.
3. Therapy and Self-Healing
Seeking support from a therapist for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents can be life-changing. Therapy can help you:
Unpack the trauma of growing up with emotionally immature parents.
Identify and shift harmful patterns that stem from your upbringing.
Develop healthier relationships moving forward.
4. Rebuilding Healthy Sibling Bonds
If both siblings recognize the toxic patterns created by their parent, they may be able to reconnect and rebuild their relationship on their own terms. Open communication, therapy, and mutual accountability can help repair the damage done and foster a more supportive dynamic.
Breaking Free from the Narcissistic Cycle
The impact of narcissistic parents on sibling relationships is profound, often shaping lifelong patterns of rivalry, distrust, or emotional distance. In some cases, healing those relationships is possible, but only if both siblings recognize the manipulation that occurred and take steps to rebuild from a place of honesty and mutual respect. If a sibling continues to reinforce the toxic family dynamic, strong boundaries—or even going no-contact—may be necessary for your well-being. No matter how your sibling relationships unfold, breaking free from the influence of a narcissistic parent and prioritizing your own healing is always an option. You are allowed to choose peace, even if it means stepping away from those who can’t see the damage that was done.
Break Free from Toxic Family Roles with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Therapy in North Carolina
Growing up with a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent can leave you trapped in harmful roles that shape your sense of self. Whether you were labeled the scapegoat or placed on a pedestal as the golden child, the emotional toll of these dynamics doesn’t just disappear with age. I’m Stephanie St. Clair, a therapist specializing in online therapy for adult children of narcissistic parents, offering narcissistic abuse recovery therapy in North Carolina & South Carolina. Together, we’ll untangle the impact of your upbringing, challenge the narratives that no longer serve you, and help you step into a life of self-trust and emotional freedom.
Learn More About Me and My Services
You don’t have to stay stuck in the roles imposed on you—healing is possible.
Other Therapy Services Offered at St. Clair Psychotherapy
In addition to narcissistic abuse recovery therapy in North Carolina & South Carolina, I provide a safe, affirming space for LGBTQIA+ individuals and people living in larger bodies. My approach is rooted in empathy and respect, helping you explore your identity, navigate societal pressures, and build self-acceptance. Whether you’re seeking therapy for LGBTQIA+ folx or support for people living in larger bodies, I offer personalized care tailored to your unique experiences. Together, we can reclaim your sense of self, build emotional resilience, and create a life where you feel genuinely valued and understood.
About Stephanie St. Clair, MA LPC
Stephanie St. Clair is a dedicated therapist for adult children of narcissistic personality disorder parents in North Carolina & South Carolina, helping individuals untangle the emotional wounds left by growing up in dysfunctional family dynamics. She understands firsthand how family roles like the scapegoat and golden child can shape self-worth and make it difficult to break free from deeply ingrained patterns. Her journey to becoming a licensed professional counselor (LPC) was fueled by a passion for guiding others toward self-trust and healing. Before entering the mental health field in 2012, Stephanie worked as a technical writer in Washington, D.C., and served as an education volunteer in the U.S. Peace Corps.
Today, Stephanie specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery therapy in North Carolina & South Carolina, offering a supportive space for those navigating the long-term effects of emotional manipulation and control. With advanced training from Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, she helps clients recognize how childhood experiences continue to shape their relationships, boundaries, and self-perception. Whether you’re struggling with emotionally immature parents or working to redefine your identity beyond the roles imposed by a narcissistic parent, Stephanie provides compassionate, no-nonsense support. Her goal is to help you challenge old narratives, reclaim your autonomy, and move forward with self-trust, confidence, and emotional freedom.